Chapter III
I limped around the order, still not well enough to leave. It had been a little over a month since that
night, and I still wanted to cry when I thought about it. I could tell people were worried about me, for the
gazes that settled were those of suspicions cast upon everyone because of my mood. It's not like I asked to feel this way,
though. Do you know what it feels like to have to have your heart shattered,hit by a truck, burnt, and then the ashes
thrown right back in your face? Well, that's what I feel like. Sorry, let me rephrase that. That's what I have felt
like for the past 35 days.
"Moyashi?" said a painfully familiar surprised voice as I walked into a room blindly. I practically froze in
terror, and I couldn't control the tears.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I was just walking. Please, just leave me be.“ I did a 360 on my good foot
and began to limp as fast as I could. The fact that I wanted to crumple to the ground and die didn't help my already
slow pace. The tears became worse as I heard him follow me.
"Please, leave me alone." I tried to speak without portraying the pain I was feeling in my chest, but my
voice shook and pain was pulsating through each and every word. I didn't want to talk to him. It was too painful. What if
I trusted him again, and then he demolished my soul once again? I don't think I'd be able to take the world if that happened.
"Moyashi, stop. I need to speak with you." His voice was colder than ice, and it caused me to stop in my
tracks. I turned to him, unable to prevent the tears from flowing.
"Can't you just let me be? Haven't you hurt me enough? Would you be satisfied if I told you I'm thinking
about suicide?" I said in a soft, shaky voice. His gaze went frigid.
"What did you just say?" He said, voice brewing with red-hot rage. I was shaking uncontrollably now, and my
legs collapsed from under me. I backed myself against a wall as Kanda stormed closer.
"If you so much as think about killing yourself one more time, I will personally come and murder you." He
said through his teeth, glaring like a wild bull who had locked on a target. I nodded, trying to inch away from him,
but he slammed his foot in front of my path.
"Don't think this means anything, Moyashi. I still hate your scrawny guts." The black chasm of despair
and depression in my chest grew with each of his words. He removed his foot and walked away, leaving me crying in
the middle of the corridor. I forced myself to my feet, only willing myself to get back to my room, and away from all the
attention a crying teenage boy can get (AN: Which, by the way, is a lot.).
I ignored Lenalee when she asked me what was wrong. I could tell that she knew the answer just looking at
the way I had come. I also tried to ignore her when she said 'Kanda.', but the void in my chest grew bigger. It was too much.
I couldn't take it. I forced my self to place much more pressure on my ankle than I was allowed, which let me go faster. It hurt,
yeah, but it was only a little farther until I could escape it all. I just had to make it to my room.
When I got there, I slammed my door shut and locked it behind me. After a second or two, I could hear
Lenalee pounding on the door and trying to open it, but I couldn't care less. I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't. So I
decided to end it. It wasn't like anyone other than Lavi and Lenalee would miss me, anyway. Especially not Kanda. In fact, he'd
probably cheer when he found out. Ending it all would be worth it. I just wanted to die.
I walked over to the window and threw it open, looking out at the rickety old fire escape. I flung myself out of the window, landing precariously on the edge that faced the end of the cliff and the nothingness behind it. I walked closer to the edge, sat down, and
let me feet hang off. At the same time, Lenalee cracked open the door and leapt out the open window.
"Allen, no!!" she screamed as I looked back at her blankly, and tossed myself over the edge
night, and I still wanted to cry when I thought about it. I could tell people were worried about me, for the
gazes that settled were those of suspicions cast upon everyone because of my mood. It's not like I asked to feel this way,
though. Do you know what it feels like to have to have your heart shattered,hit by a truck, burnt, and then the ashes
thrown right back in your face? Well, that's what I feel like. Sorry, let me rephrase that. That's what I have felt
like for the past 35 days.
"Moyashi?" said a painfully familiar surprised voice as I walked into a room blindly. I practically froze in
terror, and I couldn't control the tears.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I was just walking. Please, just leave me be.“ I did a 360 on my good foot
and began to limp as fast as I could. The fact that I wanted to crumple to the ground and die didn't help my already
slow pace. The tears became worse as I heard him follow me.
"Please, leave me alone." I tried to speak without portraying the pain I was feeling in my chest, but my
voice shook and pain was pulsating through each and every word. I didn't want to talk to him. It was too painful. What if
I trusted him again, and then he demolished my soul once again? I don't think I'd be able to take the world if that happened.
"Moyashi, stop. I need to speak with you." His voice was colder than ice, and it caused me to stop in my
tracks. I turned to him, unable to prevent the tears from flowing.
"Can't you just let me be? Haven't you hurt me enough? Would you be satisfied if I told you I'm thinking
about suicide?" I said in a soft, shaky voice. His gaze went frigid.
"What did you just say?" He said, voice brewing with red-hot rage. I was shaking uncontrollably now, and my
legs collapsed from under me. I backed myself against a wall as Kanda stormed closer.
"If you so much as think about killing yourself one more time, I will personally come and murder you." He
said through his teeth, glaring like a wild bull who had locked on a target. I nodded, trying to inch away from him,
but he slammed his foot in front of my path.
"Don't think this means anything, Moyashi. I still hate your scrawny guts." The black chasm of despair
and depression in my chest grew with each of his words. He removed his foot and walked away, leaving me crying in
the middle of the corridor. I forced myself to my feet, only willing myself to get back to my room, and away from all the
attention a crying teenage boy can get (AN: Which, by the way, is a lot.).
I ignored Lenalee when she asked me what was wrong. I could tell that she knew the answer just looking at
the way I had come. I also tried to ignore her when she said 'Kanda.', but the void in my chest grew bigger. It was too much.
I couldn't take it. I forced my self to place much more pressure on my ankle than I was allowed, which let me go faster. It hurt,
yeah, but it was only a little farther until I could escape it all. I just had to make it to my room.
When I got there, I slammed my door shut and locked it behind me. After a second or two, I could hear
Lenalee pounding on the door and trying to open it, but I couldn't care less. I couldn't take it anymore. I just couldn't. So I
decided to end it. It wasn't like anyone other than Lavi and Lenalee would miss me, anyway. Especially not Kanda. In fact, he'd
probably cheer when he found out. Ending it all would be worth it. I just wanted to die.
I walked over to the window and threw it open, looking out at the rickety old fire escape. I flung myself out of the window, landing precariously on the edge that faced the end of the cliff and the nothingness behind it. I walked closer to the edge, sat down, and
let me feet hang off. At the same time, Lenalee cracked open the door and leapt out the open window.
"Allen, no!!" she screamed as I looked back at her blankly, and tossed myself over the edge